| Pulling and snipping the thread of human life... |
[entries|friends|calendar] |
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| ...and that ladies and gentlemen is why I quit drinking. |
[11 Apr 2006|01:08am] |
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I'm pro Prozack Turner |
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Jon blew a .39. That's close to death by jagermeister.
I bartended. In my sweet ass Skynyrd pajama pants.
The martini party was, as always, amazing.
I made a couple bad calls.
Namely that I let myself fall in love.
and so I feel guilty when I've technically done nothing wrong.
more of that realationship karma that'a been haunting me.
oh well, good times. kinda.
I wish I had an off button.
Coachella Fest is coming and I think it may be the best one yet.
Shaun is coming out for it and that should help get my mind off everything..
or put something new on it at least.
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| When it rains it pours... |
[25 Feb 2006|02:24pm] |
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Doomtree for life! |
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I have a weird feeling. Like something's gonna happen. Not a good or bad feeling necesarily, just that something's gonna happen soon.
I love Ray.
I like "new" Adam.
I had an awful lot of fun last night.
Fuck Pope's!
Road trip middle of May to Scottsdale and Dallas. Cheri, K, Zzz's and I. I think we might rent an RV. Also, we're video-taping all of it and I'm gonna have the boys turn it into a documentary. It's gonna be bigger than jesus, bigger than wrestling, bigger than the beatles and bigger than breast implants.
The scratches on my arm are almost gone...
( Pour me another and ignore me my brother.. )
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| Bedroom, Backseats, parkbench, motels..So much heaven I know I'm goin to hell... |
[31 Jan 2006|05:14pm] |
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P.O.S.- Half Cocked Concepts.. |
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Yep, it was fun.
So the last month or so has been quite a cross-section of horrifying diasasters and mind blowing extacy.
So to wrap it up, here's a top ten list, like the old days...
Double-Up in '06
1. The Astro Zombies, Jon's kick-ass Misfits Cover band. Fuckin' amazing.
2. Making an awesome new friend <3 Cole <3
3. Watching/meeting DJ Z-Trip
4. Church Bloody Mary's with Nik, meeting Cool's parents
5. Going to the Coachella movie premiere with Matty and the Greenwoods
6. Making out with hot boys I'll never see again
7. Bob Hope Tourney and all the partying it enabled
8. Lightning Lee's Puppet Show
9. BARCELONA!!
10. Dan-chos!!
Also, I've come to a couple horrifying realizations. First off, people are actually worse than you let yourself think they are when you love them. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone, but yeah, it does to me. Also, I don't like most LA/Hollywood people. Seriously, there is a time when actually showing excitement is appropriate. It doesn't immeadiately make you un-cool or not "scene". Stop standing in the corner with your carefully put-together-so-that-it-doesn't-look-like-you-care but are still very hip outfit on judgeing and pretending to be above it all. Seriously, we're all over it, and guess what? You're not impressing anyone.
Whhoo. That felt good.
One.
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| I met this badass DJ... |
[28 Jan 2006|03:02pm] |
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A bit confused. |
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Shiting gears... |
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Everything Changes (feat. Aceyalone & Mysty)
by Z-Trip
It was so beautiful
Remember how in love we were?
So in love.
So in love.
Once.
So in love.
Once.
She was a young girl
I was a young man
And I knew they would get her when I let go her hand
And then I let go
The inevitable
So beautiful
And susceptible
So wonderful
And so innocent
And after this neither one of us would benefit
Yeah, I was a dropout
She was a graduate
She said I’ll never be nothing she wasn’t having it
Yeah, I tried to break her down
I tried to reason it
She said I wasn’t nobody to be believing in
Yeah, what a waste of time
What a waste of mind
Your place of mind was a part of the design
Yeah, I used to call her up
She never called back
When she called that said I wasn’t all that
Yeah, I know that times change
And people change, too
I was a fool just to think that I could change you
Everyone’s got stories gone
About a love we once knew
So high in the beginning
Until the world cuts through
And then everything changes
Nothing feels the same
Piece by piece it falls apart until
All that’s left is blame
And if I had a chance to do it all over I’d do it exactly the same
I was a b-boy
She was a good girl
Turned hot girl
Had to be a hood girl
Never did she notice she would end up in a shook world
I was like look girl it’s all in the book
Yeah, I used to tell her jokes
I used to make her laugh
And if I had a whole dollar I would give her half
So delicate
And so intelligent
And then she trying to play me out just for the hell of it
Back when she was 19 not even 21
Used to do a thing getting somebody anyone
Thought that she was naive
Or was it really me
I do believe
She was the one that was fulfulling me
So we broke up at a barbecue
Drove home thinking never will I bother you
Yeah, I just didn’t know
What it was hidden for
She had me sitting low
But she was bullshitting, though
Everyone’s got stories gone
About a love we once knew
So high in the beginning
Until the world cuts through
And then everything changes
Nothing feels the same
Piece by piece it falls apart until
All that’s left is blame
So I just kept rhyming
I caught her eye again
Next thing you know she was hollering let’s try again
But I wasn’t buying in
Didn’t want to lie again
Love was in the frying pan
Baby, it’s done
But she started hanging out
And started being seen
Seeing things different
Said she wasn’t being mean
Yeah, if I let her in
Then I let her win
But I’m a veteran what’s better than a friend
Maybe she was an angel
But she’s in disguise
And I just didn’t see the God-light in her eyes
Or maybe I should I walk away
And cut all the ties
Stay on the rise
Leave love left where love dies
We were youngsters
But we’re older now
But the world is a little more colder now
And I’m just trying to get it all off my shoulder now
Baby, you can hold it down
I’ll see you in the wind
Everyone’s got stories gone
About a love we once knew
So high in the beginning
Until the world cuts through
And then everything changes
Nothing feels the same
Piece by piece it falls apart until
All that’s left is blame
That’s right, baby
Next life time
Yeah, ain’t that what they say?
Check it out
Love don’t hate
I got love for you
Always
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| "Cover yourself with a blanket, it's cold."-my mom |
[27 Dec 2005|04:49am] |
So I spent most of the night in the emergency room.
Found my mom passed out and took an ambulance ride. Worst feeling I think I have ever had in my entire life. Literally.
She's okay and back at home now, it wasn't a heart attack like we had thought. Thank god.
Brian and Ray were both amazing. Brian for being with me the whole time and Ray for somehow always knowing when I need him and saying exactly what I need to hear.
But the entire experience has put me in a really strange mood.
Happy my moms okay. Unable to accept the fact that someday she won't be.
I guess I've always thought of my mom as invinceable. Always taking care of everything and never complaining about anything. She's the only person in the world that I totally and completely trust and love without condition. She's my only real safety net and someday she won't be there.
To tell me to wear a jacket. To remind me about jury duty. To make me the food only she can make. To make me repeat movie dialogue to her. To yell at me. To call me out when I fuck up. To make me laugh. To tell me she loves me.
I stay detached from people. even the ones that I really care about I never totally let in. It's because I hate this feeling. The feeling of being totally helpless while someone you love suffers.
I'm turning 24 in 2 weeks. I plan on making alot of changes.
This month of December has taught me more about life than the 275 before it put together.
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| "Wow I've never seen karma paid physically." |
[16 Dec 2005|02:38pm] |
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"Every rose has it's thorn" god I love Poison |
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I met a man named Robert that changed my life. I made a promise and I intend to keep it.
"When you don't realize what your gift is, and you don't share it with the world, you're cheating everyone that you ever come into contact with. Because your greatness may change their life."... then he taught me the right way to pour a beer <3
My arm is fucked, I may have to have surgery.
I miss Adam
I miss Family Time
I miss Cumhole
I need to get back on the train
My head, my arm and my heart are all either broken or very close to being so.
and it's my fault.
I love Lyndsey
Dallas comes home today
weeeeeeeeee!
I think I learned a lesson.
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| So there I was, minding my own business... |
[16 Nov 2005|01:47am] |
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The Game's bringin' back the westside.. |
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I haven't updated in awhile. So here I am, sober as hell and thinking way too much.
I'm really happy that I have the ability not to totally lose my shit when I start getting pissed... because tonight could have gotten messy.
"What I like about him is that I could drown him in a bathtub. Easily. That's the only thing I like about him."-my brother
Gina is awesome, she's so cute and it makes me feel really good to help her with things. I think we are so different in how we deal with things, especially boys, that it's good for us to have each other's perspective.
Last night was amazing.
Strip clubs continue to be some of my favorite places on earth.
and Jay continues to be one of my favorite boys in the world.
"We're in a 'Holla' sandwich."
Oyster shooters are money.
Russo's birthday is thursday, it's gonna be off the chain. Dinner at Kobe's, Metal night and then debauchery til the sun comes up...
I haven't been having nightmares lately, it's been nice. Even though I prolly just jinxed myself.
and then there's this Too much metal for one hand!! ::slaps you::
thank you for that Pat, you are forever Hardcore.
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| Fuckin' Karen |
[03 Oct 2005|03:05pm] |
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Pantera mashed with Wu-Tang... it works dude!! |
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So a new week is upon me
I got alot out of my system this weekend
I spent alot of money
I drank alot of beer
watched football
did the sunday morning thing with Nik
napped for hours mid-day and woke up to a party at Sheb's
lost my jersey
We found out who the "Karen" of our group is, and I called him it to his face because I'm just really funny.
Joe brought us taxi beer and it was glorious
Good game
Thank you to everyone who contributed to the hangover that I'll have for the next 2 days
Sorry 'bout your neck bags
I CAN NOT BELIEVE I MISSED THE MONSTER TRUCK RALLY!!!!
Oh, and anyone interested in seeing either Foreigner or the Eagles, I'll be on both like it's no ones business. That is all.
BT-dub, how drunk was I during the last post, sweet god...
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| Ihave7newvoicemails |
[02 Oct 2005|03:14am] |
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tonight! yeah! now! |
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and all I know is that he lloves me
ooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and I got sally asleeep in y bed
oh wow
evryojne is all loooveee
oh my god i love jon
safe oh god
I love the internet
zzz's? breakfast foo sho
qowowo
too much milkshake for one man
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| "I kicked my shoes off in a fit of joy."- DC |
[20 Sep 2005|01:22pm] |
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Dane Cook-Retaliation..."I'm a riot?!You're a fucking riot!" |
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So the football game was amazing.
Killer seats, lots of beer, jungle juice, W
Amazing dinner afterwards
JT's still hot
so is Kris
"So I see your phone does actually exist, does it not recieve San Diego calls?"
I still think Hummers are lame
Crazy week
Been seeing alot of Ray since "D-Day"
It's been really nice to have my old boys back..and have them get along with the new boys is amazing...
Fun night at Fateful Day house
lots of fixing, talking, laughing
and really good music
DALLAS CAME HOME
Jacob's Birthday party
Beautiful men
Gorgeous girls
420-Stoli
<3Colin<3
"You're a stayer honey."
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| "Fred Durst called, he wants his everything back"-Russo |
[09 Sep 2005|01:54pm] |
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sweet sweet Ashley |
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wow, what a week
Dallas had her birthday
I had alot of fun
LA came and it was grand
Football started
I'm going to the big game sunday
One of Zzz's friends that was in the military killed himself
So since I'm really good at handling things like that I took her out and got her faced last night
I do what I can...
What will the weekend bring? Hopefully good things...
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| "They can't arrest you at a cemetary." |
[02 Sep 2005|04:28pm] |
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watching the news... horrifying. |
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Went to the spot with Trevor, Ian, Angie and Zzz's
drank Natural Light by choice
left him a beer and a jay
Told stories we've told 100's of times
and laughed just as hard as ever
listened to alot of Atmosphere
saw pics of Trev's babies and just about lost it
sooo beautiful
Things didn't go as planned at the K-Stand, but they usually don't
had a great time, talked bit, accomplished one important thing
I just can't fight this feeling
Good night...
I'm getting myself psyched for tomorrow now
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| "I need you on my payroll." |
[31 Aug 2005|10:26pm] |
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Matt giving directions, my brother cooking... |
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So the day went like this....
Went and chilled at Zane's grave, sounds creepy but it was actually really cool. Smoked a bowl and tried to get my head straight. Thought about what he would tell me to do, and I know.
Found out that not answering is universal.
Went to work and served a woman with 5 kids that HATES her life, cemented my plans to never pro-create.
Dirk came in.
Offered me a SICK ass job, but it's kinda a gamble.
Someone wants me to organize and run the VIP sections at concerts? I might die before I get promoted, but it'll be fun as hell til I do.
And my Matt is here, which makes everything a little bit easier to take.
He and I traced our family trees and turns out, we're not Spanish after all, but Roman.
Awesome.
So much love, so much happy, so much drinky...
I even went to Dead 70's Whore, which is very rare, mostly because I hate it.
"I swear to god Colin, I'll send you to New Orleans."-angriest mom in the world.
Life rules
I miss Zane
He would love this
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| "Get your war on" |
[29 Aug 2005|02:26pm] |
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an old suicidal tendencies mix |
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Made alot of promises about going places last night...
instead we visited Nik and by three were at Sheb's knee deep in a mid-day buzz
cut to Brian Deluna and the instant happy
I go home and before I know it Kevin and I had watched about 3 hours of entourage and the best stand up ever
"SHUT UP AND EAT YOUR FUCKIN' FRENCH FRIES!"
then everything went wrong
my brother and I had a horrible/really good...breakdown/breakthrough?
I'm not sure how it ended
but I do know that the last week has kicked my ass emotionally
hopefully the coming week will be a bit less intense...
I had alot of fun too though
had another boy came out of the closet to me
I swear I have a sign on my face that says "Come out here!"
he seems much happier, as though a huge weight has been lifted, I'm happy I could help
I need to talk to Danny really badly, I miss talking to him
I guess he was hurt by something I wrote and I feel awful
I'm so careless sometimes
I need to start concentrating on being nice to people and not hurting the ones I love, even if it's things I don't intend to hurt them with....I dunno if that made sense
Goin' on a date tonight with Lyndsey
"...because somethings are and somethings are not! because things that aren't can't be!"
GOD Louis CK rules
giant fuckin' ants wearing top-hats dancing around...
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| "Apparently I'm a bad person. Who knew?" |
[27 Aug 2005|11:02am] |
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Disturbing your realtionships, excuse my morals.. |
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Thursday night
bar fight
lotsa jager
saw the french dude who Travis beat the shit outta
got told something about my life
"I didn't know you had a heart to break."
even though it was a joke it was on the square
like magic, just when I need him the most, Tuna is here
"I fucked everything up, he hates me."
"Oh wow, he must really have liked you."
I gotta just get over it
on account of the whole, not having a time machine thing
Sally is so awesome
it was nice being on the wagon for a bit, but obviously it wasn't for me
"We need to use your popularity to our advantage."
I don't care what's real.
Kinda, but not really.
I saw Ray, he came in, wants to talk to me...reminded me that we're still technically engaged
"You know I'll always love you. You have to know that."
Right words, wrong time
Wrong words, right time
I'm putting my game face on... and this time it's not coming off
"You're like the sister from 6 Feet Under, be careful."
18 Pack Challenge tonight, don't be scurred...
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| "Talk about being toppled over by the weight of your own balls." |
[23 Aug 2005|06:47pm] |
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Caught a rush on the floor from the life in my veins |
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2:30 am, nervous beakdown on deck, feeling helpless, sad, and really confused...
Obviously the only solution is to drive to Mexcico right?
Because let me tell you one thing, it sure as fuck helped me get things off my mind REAL quick.
Things I regret:
acting like your typical jealous vapid broad
letting something that shouldn't have pissed me off at all, drive me into a rage
not totally blowing off my jackass of an ex who I basically moved to another state to get rid of
drinking scotch
missing Gina's first night back
fighting with a strip club boss in TJ
making out with a stipper....but she WAS bangin'
Things that kicked ass
The last 4 days with Dallas' being amazing
giving her a good TJ story to take to college
excellent times at the Ale House
Hanging out with Starkey, Nick, Ty, Tony, Mike and Reed
Letting someone know that you actually care about them and want to be there friend and having them get excited about it.
Absinth
Mechanical bulls
MEXICO
guys that fucked Jenna Bush
$1 Corona's
finding out I can speak spanish if forced to
Mission: accomplished
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| "It's called realationship karma baby." |
[19 Aug 2005|02:14pm] |
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my brother watching Star Trek |
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And so it begins...
My weekend will consist of:
dancing
drinking
swimming
It's Dallas' last weekend before she moves and if she makes it to college I'll be blown away. It's gonna be one for the books ladies and gentlemen!
and all without Gina or Nik?! Totally not cool.
I keep blowing off alot of people and in return, getting blown off by one person as payback, I should check myself.
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| "I'll take the one that says, "hammered"..." |
[15 Aug 2005|04:10am] |
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Empire Records is still a kickass movie |
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Amy leaves tomorrow...
excellent going away/birthday party
I talked to a cop when I had no business doing so, and it was all Sally's fault
met a cool new dude
hung out with Ruthie
and my Matthew
told alot of stories
ditched my bachelor party buddies
vaporizer
...then today
new bar friends
laded by 5
Nik = love
good game
it was EXACTLY what I needed
bar-b-qued all night with our Palm Springs crew
stayed up too late for bad reasons
well anything adult swim is a part of can't be all bad I suppose
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| "I need to forget, before I forget." |
[11 Aug 2005|09:34am] |
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So just pour me another and ignore me my brother... |
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So the other day I saw the most amazing full rainbow I have ever seen in my entire life with the girls.
I talked and talked and talked.
But I didn't really say anything.
Maybe it was the sobriety that made things easier to see but harder to hear.
And I think I get it now.
I've been putting alot of time/energy/emotion into some things that I know are going to be fruitless.
I don't do this very often, my usual problem is not putting enough t/e/e into things.
So I guess when I tried to I was kinda bad at it.
I blinded myself.
With the "light"... trying to keep it from getting too heavy but drowning myself in the process.
I've never felt like this before in my life.
Jacob read my runes.
I hate when that kinda stuff actually is right, I feel so trasparent....
we sat outside til 4 in the morning talking about alot of things.
Older gay men know alot about everything, it's really amazing.
Felt good.
"See honey, you just needed a dashing young bachelor to come in and save you tonight... your's just happens to be into dudes."
Figures.
I guess I just gotta stop trying, sometimes I don't get what I want.
Sucks though, I was good for no reason.
...god what an emo post, I ought to slap myself.
it won't happen again for a long time, I promise.
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| "He has hand signals for the things he wants me to do." |
[07 Aug 2005|12:44pm] |
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Eric Clapton is a god |
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I saw Nick last night.
It was awesome, and I remembered how much I miss him and how much fun we have just talking to each other. It's nice to run drunkenly down memory lane...
He made me a drink and I fell right back into us.
I really have to see all his new art, I miss blacklight beauty
"Is he alone in there?"-me on passed out birthday boy
"No, but I'm sure he's fine with you girls goin on in."-Nick on Nick
I left my new OC friend passed out at Chris', hope he had fun getting hazed into the PD scene
Sally got his face punched.
Him with a black eye is really funny to me for some reason.
We gotta get outta Dodge for a coupla days I think, maybe San Diego? anyone else game?
I kinda remember seeing melodious and shebin really late last night, which means we may have been a scene.... if so, sorry
EDIT: also, I fucking love xanax
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